Understanding a Three-Year-Old

 

Let’s talk about understanding a 3 year-old!

When my son turned two, everyone warned me about the terrible twos, but no one mentioned wild threes.

I thought, terrible twos, wonderful threes, right?

Hah. Little did I know.

Having a three-year-old is a whirlwind—a beautiful, chaotic mix of endless curiosity, boundless energy, and intense emotions. One moment, they’re melting your heart with an unexpected I love you, and the next, they’re having a full-blown meltdown because you cut their sandwich the wrong way.

Every child is different, but here’s what I wish someone had told me before we entered this wild, wonderful stage:

1. Big Emotions & Testing Boundaries

Three-year-olds feel everything deeply but don’t yet have the skills to regulate those emotions. Their prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain that helps with self-control) is still developing, while their amygdala (which processes emotions like fear and frustration) is in overdrive.

Translation? They can go from giggles to full-on tantrums in seconds. And the reasons? Completely random.

• The milk in their chocolate milk isn’t frothy enough.

• They want to peel a carrot but don’t want it peeled.

• They refuse to wear a jumper because reasons.

Then there are the boundaries. Each parent has different limits, and kids pick up on that fast. For example, A gets away with way more with me than with my husband. He’s slowly figuring out what works with whom—and yes, he tests those boundaries constantly.

2. The Never-Ending “Why?”

Every. Single. Thing. Requires an explanation.

“Why is the sky blue?”

“Why do dogs bark?”

“Why can’t I eat cookies for breakfast?”

And my personal favorite—the recursive why? to a why?, until I’ve run out of logical answers and have to get creative.

Answering a million questions a day can be exhausting, but it’s also amazing. Their brains are learning at lightning speed, and even though I sometimes wish for a pause button, it’s incredible to witness their curiosity in action.

3. Energy Levels = Off the Charts

Three-year-olds never stop moving. Running, climbing, jumping, exploring—it’s a full-time workout just keeping up with them.

The irony? They seem to have infinite energy for everything except walking. (I love walking. He… not so much.)

So, if you have a three-year-old, consider canceling your gym membership. You won’t need it.

4. The Power Struggles

Three-year-olds crave independence—but don’t always have the skills to match.

• A insists on pouring his own water… and floods the table.

• He wants to pick his own clothes but refuses to acknowledge that it’s winter.

• He refuses help cleaning up his toys—until, of course, he suddenly needs help.

It’s a daily battle between letting them try (and inevitably make a mess) and stepping in to avoid disaster. Some days, patience runs thin. But then…

5. The Art of Selective Hearing

Oh, they can hear you—when they want to.

Ask them if they want ice cream? They hear you instantly.

Tell them it’s time to put on shoes? Silence.

Call them five times to come brush their teeth? They suddenly develop an urgent need to investigate the wall or run in the opposite direction.

It’s not that they’re being naughty (well, not always). They’re just incredibly in the moment, so transitioning from whatever they’re hyper-focused on to what you need them to do can be a struggle. But let’s be real—some days, it feels like they’re just ignoring us for sport.

Stay Calm (Easier Said Than Done!)

Let’s be honest—staying patient when your child is having a massive meltdown over something completely irrational (like the fact that you dared to put the banana peel in the trash) is hard. Some days, it feels nearly impossible.

Here are a few things that help me keep my cool—even when I feel like losing it:

• Take a Deep Breath – Before reacting, I take a second (or five) to breathe. It’s such simple advice, but it really helps.

• Remind Myself: It’s Not Personal – My child isn’t giving me a hard time; he’s having a hard time. That shift in perspective makes a difference.

• Use Humor When I Can – Sometimes, turning a power struggle into a game or making a silly joke diffuses the tension instantly.

• I give myself a moment to reset.

Some days, despite all of this, I still lose my patience. And that’s okay. We’re all human. What matters is that we try—and when we mess up, we apologize and move forward.

The Magic of Three

For all the madness, there’s so much beauty in this stage.

• Their Imagination: In our house, we all have fairies. And if anything naughty happens? It was the fairies.

• Their Pure Love: The other day, A helped me cook. Out of nowhere, he looked up and said, “I love you so much, Mom.” My heart melted.

• Their Learning Speed: Just six months ago, A didn’t speak a word of French. Now, he speaks it perfectly, along with English and Spanish. Watching their little minds absorb everything is mesmerizing.

• Their Joy: Their laughter, excitement, and wonder at the simplest things remind you to slow down and appreciate life.

Yes, having a three-year-old is exhausting. But it’s also magical.

The days are long, but the years are short—and one day, I know I’ll miss this wild, love-filled stage.

What surprised you the most about having a three-year-old?

PS: To my wild child, I love you, I love you on your good days, your bad days, your happy days, your angry day. You are a force of nature and as I tell you everyday your mama is so proud of you.