My Pregnancies

Let’s talk about Pregnancy.

During my pregnancies I developed a little bit of OCD and was quite anxious.

I got pregnant in April 2020 in the midst of a global pandemic and right away we told our families because hey, what could go wrong. I wasn’t having any morning sickness or nausea and just counted myself lucky. Two months later on my birthday I started to get a little bit of spotting. I tried to get a doctor’s appointment but with COVID it was very difficult. Finally, I got one at a private clinic for the following week. In the meantime, I thought it would pass.

The following week I went to my appointment alone and sat down in the chair cracking jokes with the midwives. Then the doctor arrived and checked the scan. After a couple minutes of silence, he told me there was no heartbeat. My heart stopped. We went into his office and he explained that it was a missed miscarriage. As he was informing me of the next steps my world had stopped. He was talking but I couldn’t hear. I stepped out thanking him and then walked home. It took two weeks and a lot of “sex in the city” for my body to acknowledge it was time to let it go.  

During this journey, I found a strength that I didn’t know I had. The strength of never giving up and just keep fighting. And I wanted to help other women in my situation so I joined the miscarriage association (https://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/how-we-help/support-groups/).

Three/four months later I fell pregnant but this time I had the lingering feeling that something was going to go wrong. And that’s when the OCD started. I started to obsessively clean fruits and vegetables before eating them. I was worried about getting toxoplasmosis. The chance to get toxo is 1 in 10,000 but at the time I thought it was better to be safe then sorry… yah, but I also drove my poor husband nuts with this new OCD. Any salad or fruit that wasn’t washed by me was unsafe. Let’s not lie, I was very anxious. I tried to speak to my midwife about the OCD and she said “oh good, this way everything is very well cleaned”. Not quite the answer I was looking for. I also asked if I could get a toxoplasmosis blood test (in the UK it’s not part of the routine blood work). They said I didn’t need it and I would probably be positive as I lived with 3 cats during university. I learned 3 years later when I was pregnant with my daughter that I was negative for toxoplasmosis. Again not the best advice.

Anyways, my pregnancy with my son and daughter went really well other than me freaking out about any “unwashed” strawberry or apple or pear or tomato… Nevertheless, I think being pregnant with my first during the global COVID pandemic did not help. The pandemic, for many of us, made us question everything we knew and made us think about bacteria and viruses. Something I didn’t put too much attention to previously. 

Now that my babies are born, the crazy cleaning of fruit and vegetables has passed. Well, I probably still clean them more than most people but I will eat them even if someone else cleans them.

So, if you are feeling anxious or overwhelmed, please do talk to your doctor or midwife. 40 weeks is a long time to be feeling stressed. Also, maybe best not to google every food (like I did) to check if it is safe to eat or not. 

Most likely it’s safe and don’t worry if by accident you eat a burger that wasn’t cooked all the way or you’re not sure if the restaurant’s basel on your pasta has been washed thoroughly (I’ve definitely freaked out at some point for both of those things). The chances are very small for you to get anything especially, if you live in Europe. And if you are eating at a restaurant, just ask the waiter if the food you ordered is safe to eat while pregnant.

Sending peace and love